Why Jiraiya Doesn't Babysit
by Riyuto-san
Summary: Naruto and Hinata must leave for the anual Kage meeting, but they have to leave their kids behind. There is no one logical to babysit, so who will do it? Pairings are obvious. Please read and review. I suck at summaries.


(A/N) Here's another oneshot for ya'll. I was bored last night, so I typed this up.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto because I am an American geek that lives in a trailer.

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The Rokudaime Hokage (Sixth Hokage) sat in his office and at his desk, He was signing yet another important sheet of paper. After being Hokage for six years, he just skimmed the sheets of paper and signed them no matter what. Uzumaki Naruto had better things to do than hang out at his desk all day, signing documents.

Naruto still wore orange, but it was now a light jacket, just like his father, the Yondaime, used to wear. His hair had grown spikier and longer, and he was taller. He wore black pants, and still had the same hitai-ate he wore when he was 15.

Naruto sat back and sighed after he was done with the stack of papers. He looked down at his desk. There were three pictures sitting on it. The first one was of Team 7 when he and his teammates Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, _'Or should I say Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Sakura?_' He thought, smiling. He would never forget that Sasuke had asked him to be his best man.

The next picture was one of Naruto's favorites. It was on his wedding day. He was wearing a traditional tuxeedo. On one side of him was his best man, Sasuke, and on the other was his bride. Hyuga Hinata, soon to be Uzumaki Hinata, was wearing a pure white wedding dress and a blush on her cheeks. Next to Hinata was Sakura, Ino, and Hyuga Tenten. Everyone was happy in that photo.

The next picture, however, was Naruto's absolute favorite. It showed his wife lying in a hospitol bed. She was looking down lovingly at two small bundles in her arms. In her left arm was a small baby wrapped in a blue blanket, Naruto's son Uzumaki Hiroshi. In Hinata's other arm was another small baby, Naruto's daughter Mika.

Naruto smiled as he looked up at the clock. It was 5:00, which meant that it was time for him to go home. He rose from his chair and opened his window. He shot out as quick as a flash, just to get home as soon as he could.

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"Hiroshi-chan!" Uzumaki Hinata called from the kitchen. She heard her son's footsteps, and then he appeared next to his mother. He had short, spikey indigo hair. He was dressed in an orange T-shirt that had the Konoha symbol on the front, and wore black pants. He had a single whisker mark on each side of his face. His eyes were blue, but when he used the byakugan, his eyes would go pale like his mothers. He had his arms folded behind his head.

"What do you want, mama?" He asked.

Hinata smiled down at her six year old son. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I was wondering if you knew where your sister was?" Hinata said.

Hiroshi shrugged. "I dunno. She said something about waiting outside for papa to get home," Hiroshi responded.

Just then, the front door opened and Naruto walked through, carrying Mika on his shoulders. She had long, blonde hair, with eyes just like her brothers. She was wearing a purple kimono with hair clips in her hair. Hiroshi saw his dad, ran up to him, and hugged him. "Mama! Papa's home!" He yelled.

Hinata came out of the kitchen and kissed her husband. Naruto lifted Mika from his shoulder and placed her on the ground. She giggled all the way.

"What are you feeding our daughter, Hina-chan?" Naruto asked playfully. "She weighs a ton." Mika started laughing in his leg. "Papa!" She whined playfully.

"Well, Naruto-kun, she eats just like her father." Hinata responded. She then turned her attention to her kids. "Okay kids, why don't you go set the table."

Both kids nodded and raced each other to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Naruto kissed Hinata again. "Hey, Hina-chan. I have to talk to you about something," He said.

Hinata looked at him curiously. "What about?" She asked.

"Well, I just got a message from Gaara. He's doing fine, but it turns out that Sunagakure is the meeting place for the Kage meeting this year." Naruto said.

"Oh, really? I guess it won't be so bad. The kids like to visit Gaara-sama and his children."

Naruto cut her off. "Uhh, honey. Actually, this time, they don't want any kids coming this time." Naruto said hesitantly.

Hinata's expression changed. She seemed a little sad. "Why?" She asked.

"They said that they don't want a repeat of last year," Naruto responded. Hinata nodded in understanding. Last year, when the Uzumaki twins got together with Gaara's three kids, and the Raikage's kids, all hell broke loose.

"Well, then I guess I'll stay here," Hinata said.

Naruto shook his head. "They want the current Kage's and their wives to come. It's manditory." Naruto tried to smile for his wife, but it was a reluctant smile.

Hinata was worried. "Then, what are we gonna do about the kids?" She asked.

"I guess we'll just get someone we know to baby-sit them," Naruto offered.

"Fine, but who. Tenten-chan and Neji-niisama are busy with their son, Tsunade-sama is off on business, and Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun aren't back yet from vacationing with their daughter." Hinata said.

Naruto lowered his head a bit in thought, and then raised it when he came up with an answer. "I Know who we can get to baby-sit, but I doubt you'll like it. We can get-"

"Mama! Papa!" The twins called. "We're done setting the table, and the oven is smoking!"

Hinata gasped in shock. She turned back to her husband. "We'll talk about this tonight," Hinata said. Naruto nodded. Hinata kissed Naruto once more before running into the kitchen and stopping the oven from catching on fire.

Naruto smiled nervously. _'I serously doubt she'll want someone like Ero-sennin babysitting our kids,'_ He thought.

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After much begging and pleading, Hinata finally gave in to Naruto. On the day they were set to leave, they sat in the living room and talked to the kids as they awaited Jiraiya.

"Mama, does Grandpa Jiraiya have to baby-sit us?" Mika asked.

"Yeah, why can't Grandma Tsunade or Aunt Sakura baby-sit us?" Hiroshi pleaded. Both kids looked desperate.

"Oh, come on kids," Naruto said with a smile, "I went off to train with Grandpa Jiraiya for two and a half years. And looked how I turned out." This seemed to calm the kids down.

Hinata smiled. "And besides, Grandma Tsunade is out of town. And you all know that Aunt Sakura and Uncle Sasuke are on vacation. I called and left a message for Aunt Sakura. If she comes back within a few days, I asked her to take care of you two. Is that all right?" Hinata asked.

The twins nodded happily. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Naruto got out of his chair and walked over to open it. He opened it to reveal Jiraiya. "Hey, ero-sennin, how ya' doing?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, fine. Now where are the kids at?" He asked.

"In the living room with Hina-chan," Naruto answered. Both men walked into the living room. "We need to get going Hina-chan."

"Okay," She responded reluctantly. Naruto and Hinata gave each kid a kiss and a hug goodbye. All of them had to keep themselves from crying.

About ten minutes later, Naruto and Hinata were both gone, leaving Jiraiya alone with the Uzumaki twins.

They sat in the living room in an uncomfortable silence. Jiraiya decided that he needed to break the ice. "Soo...how's school?" He asked.

"It's summer, there is no school," Mika answered.

"Oh, of course," Jiraiya said. Then it went back to quiet for a few more minutes. "Are you kids hungry?" He asked. Both twins shook their heads.

Jiraiya thought for a moment. "Is there anything you two wanna ask me?"

The twins looked at Jiraiya curiously. "Like what?" Hiroshi asked.

"Well, I am one of the legendary sanin. I have battled countless foes, defeated the most dastardly villains, and-" Jiraiya started.

"And, according to papa, one of the world's biggest perverts," Hiroshi finished.

Jiraiya chuckled nervously. "I told your father it was research. Now listen, if there is anything you want to know, just ask me."

"Anything?" Mika asked. Jiraiya nodded.

Hiroshi got an idea and leaned in to whisper something to his sister. After he was done, she turned to him and nodded. Both twins turned back to their grandfather. "Uhh...Grandpa?" Mika asked as she started poking her fingers together nervously, A habit she got from her mother.

"Yes, what is it?" Jiraiya asked.

Mika looked over to her brother for help. He sighed and spoke up. "Uhh, we were wondering if you could tell us where...where babies come from?" He asked nervously. On both occasions when the twins had asked their parents, they would hesitate and blush, and then they would say that they would tell them later. They never told them.

Jiraiya grinned in a perverted way. "Okay, you see. When a man and a woman love each other very much, they..."

(One hour later)

"And as the woman pushes as hard as she can, blood is gushing everywhere, and I mean everywhere. After several hours of labor, the baby is born. But it is still attached, so the dad gets to cut the umbilical cord. I remember your father fainted after he did that. The baby is covered in blood, so the doctors have to clean it. And that is where babies come from." Jiraiya finished. He looked down at his audience.

Both of them wore looks of horror. Their eyes were wide, and tears were welling up inside of them. "R-really?" Mika asked.

"Yep! If I'm lying. I'm dying." He said.

The kids burst out crying. They were scared out of their minds from Jiraiya's explanation. He had described everything, from start to finish, in complete detail. The twins were lying on the ground, crying their eyes out.

Jiraiya panicked. "What did I do?" Jiraiya asked himself and the twins as he tried to comfort each one. They refused to answer, they just kept crying.

After a half an hour of crying, Jiraiya couldn't take it anymore. He quickly sped through some handseals and shouted, "Sleep paralysis no jutsu!" The twins were out cold in a heartbeat.

Jiraiya sighed to himself as he picked each one up and carried them to their room that they shared.. _'I'll never understand kids,'_ He thought.

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The next moring, the Uzumaki twins woke to the sound of a knocking door. They quickly got out of their beds and went to the window. Sakura was standing at the door, impatiently knocking.

The twins recalled what had happened yesterday, and more tears welled up in their eyes. The tears were also due to the fact that they were saved from Jiraiya. They quickly got dressed and ran down stairs. They saw Jiraiya asleep on the couch.

They quickly opened the door and hugged Sakura before she could greet them. They cried in her dress. Sakura looked down at the twins worriedly. "What's wrong?" She asked.

Mika lifted her head and spoke in between sniffles. "Grandpa...Jiraiya...told us...where babies...come from," Mika started.

Then Hiroshi lifted his head. "In...complete...detail," He said, then they both buried their faces in Sakura's leg.

Realization hit Sakura. Naruto had told her that Jiraiya was an enormous pervert. He had also warned her that he gets carried away while describing perverted stuff. A vein pulsed on Sakura's forehead. "I'll be right back, kids. Stay here."

She walked away from the kids, and all they heard was: "Hey, get off your lazy ass," "Oh, Sakura?" POW, BANG, POW, "Oww, stop it, stop it!" "This is what you get for scaring the kids!" BANG! "I'm taking the kids back with me, okay." The kids heard Jiraiya mumble an "Okay," and then Sakura walked back to the kids smiling.

"Don't worry, you're coming to live with me for the next few days. I'll leave a note for your mother and father so they won't worry. Okay?" She asked sweetly.

The twins smiled up at Sakura and nodded. Then the three of them started walking back to Sakura's house.

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A week later, when Naruto and Hinata got back from the meeting, they had news for their kids. However, when they got home, they found Sakura's note, and a note from Jiraiya saying that he was in the hospital. The Uzumaki's looked at each other and shrugged. They strolled, hand in hand, to Sakura's house.

Once they got there, Naruto knocked on the door. Sakura opened it and smiled. "Welcome back you two," She said.

Naruto chuckled. "It's good to be back," He said.

"Are the kids here?" Hinata asked right away.

Sakura smiled. Yes, they're here. And they are doing good," She answered as she ushered Naruto and Hinata in to her living room.

They saw Sasuke sitting on the couch watching tv, next to him was Mika, and lying on the floor was Hiroshi and Sasuke's pink, raven haired daughter Keiko.

"Hiroshi, Mika, your parents are here," Sakura said. Sasuke turned and said, "Hey," before turning back to the tv. Mika and Hiroshi both turned around to see their parents. The jumped up from where they were sitting and ran to them. They all lovingly embraced.

"Thanks for watching the kids, Sakura-chan," Naruto said.

"Don't mention it," Sakura responded, "We loved having your kids over."

After a few goodbyes, the Uzumakis left the Uchiha estate and headed home. Once they were there Naruto and Hinata quickly unpacked and called the kids into the living room. The kids happily obeyed.

Hinata sat in a chair, and Naruto stood behind her. The twins were standing in the center of the room.

"What do you want Papa?" Mika asked.

Naruto smiled. "Well, kids. I don't know how to say this, but..." Naruto started.

Now it was Hinata's turn to smile. "We're having another baby," She said happily.

The twins' eyes went wide and they looked at each other with fear in their eyes (thanks to Jiraiya) and raised their heads and screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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There you go. I was bored last night, so I typed this up. I remember thinking, "I wonder what Jiraiya would do if he ever babysat?" Then I got the idea, and started typing.

I don't think it's my best work, but it's pretty good considering I was half asleep while typing this.

Please read and review, but don't flame me. I don't mind constructive cricitism, but don't say that it sucked.

And to those of you who are reading Fusion, I promise to have the chapter up by the end of the week.

And to those of you who have read The Greatest Gift (This includes you too pyro-chan), I was wondering if you would like me to make a sequel to it. It would be filled with fluffy goodness. I promise! (Does the Lee good guy pose)


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